Unwanted Identities

Since my debit and credit cards arrived two days ago, I’ve being quietly seething. I almost wanted to cut them in half and go speak to my bank. But it’s too much effort for a point scarcely anyone comprehends or cares for. Coincidentally it’s a point my mother recently made on her blog (she’s going to be super excited I’m promoting her writing). I didn’t see this coming!

The subtle and extremely simple point I want to make is that my name is Angika Basant. Because I grew up in Ahmedabad where, as my mother notes, an unmarried woman must hold on tight to her father’s full name, and a married woman to her husband’s, my passport says Angika Rakesh Basant. I managed to convince The University of Chicago that the middle name can be dropped, and so all documents from that part of my life are the way I want them. My husband and I, much like my parents, have no interest in new names and new identities, so our wedding has had no impact on what I choose to call myself. But now, we’ve just moved to London which I should have known is in a land obsessed with titles - Sir, Dame, Her Majesty, Duke, Earl, Baroness and so forth. So maybe the lovely lady who helped me set up my bank account thought I needed a title too? Whatever the reason, my new shiny plastic bank cards say Mrs Angika Rakesh Basant. No, not just the letters they address to me, or what they fill out on forms, the damn card itself reads this way. In fact, to add insult to injury, one of them says Mrs A R Basant. They were short on space, so they thought my marital status and my family name (which is presumably my husband’s right?) were the most important aspects of my identity.

Why? No, don’t dismiss me as a ‘feminazi’ or such. Answer my question. Why is it so important that women be marked as married? Why must we change our name, wear a mangalsutra and sindoor and have a special title? And very importantly, in 2017, why is there no choice most of the time? Why is there no version of Mrs for men? If you want to know if I’m married, ask me - I won’t lie. 99% of the time I’m sure it’s irrelevant for your business with me. If you want to give me respect or a title, there are other ways, for example how about Dr. Angika Basant? Or more appropriately, The Affronted Angika Basant. I’d be honoured if you called me that. But there won’t be space on a credit card for it.